Monday, September 22, 2008

Going "Ghetto" Green!

Going green is the latest trend everywhere! From big biz to small mom and pop shops, becoming environmentally friendly is the way to go. But to every trend is an ugly, kept in the closet, don't let the deformed half-brother out of the basement, side. Even with it's so-called "clean" reputation, going green has its dark side. I intend to expose it and allow you do decide how clean this movement really is. The following are methods that you can use to make your life green, depending on how far you're willing to go. This is the list the goodie greenies don't want you to see.

Water Conservation
1. Take cold showers.
2. Take less showers.
3. Don't take showers.
4. Kill two birds with one stone, drink your pee. (Neither flush nor tap water!)
5. Don’t wash your hands (or your dishes). Strengthen your immune system.
6. Defecate outside, in a bucket or in the garden. Use it for fertilizer.

7. Turn off your lights when you're not using them, or
8. Wait until the power is cut off to pay your bill. Remember to use your home computer.
9. When it's cold, bundle up and sleep with your sister/brother.
10. When it’s hot, take off your clothes and sleep with your sister/brother.
11. Move into a smaller house (you guessed it), with your sister/brother.
12. Don’t use a refrigerator. Move somewhere cold and put perishables outside. Also see tip #9.
13. Watching TV is a waste of time anyway so don’t own one. The same for washing machines, dryers, microwaves, and toothbrushes.

14. Cook Top Ramen for dinner.
15. Don't cook.
16. Don't eat meat.
17. Don't eat.
18. Don't buy appliances. Borrow or share with your neighbors.
19. Don’t buy furniture or worthless stuff. Sit on the floor.
20. Don’t invite anyone over for a cold one or a warm one or whatever. In fact, invite yourself to their place.
21. Steal. Actually this would be unethical. Borrow with the intent of “indefinite return.”

22. Don’t own a car.
23. Carpool and freeload.
24. Use the bus or public transportation.
25. Ride a bike.
26. Better yet, ride a stolen one. Sorry, a "borrowed" one.

There it is. But this list is far from complete. There are many of you that may be pros in the art of Ghetto Green. Please leave your tips for me and we can build a compilation!

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